Moving Beyond “Why” and Creating New Outcomes

A question frequently asked by individuals overcoming an eating challenge is “Why? Why do I struggle with food and weight?” Asking “why” is great starting question. It certainly makes some sense to uncover the reasons behind why an eating challenge or weight challenge emerged. Asking your brain, “Why?” creates a mystery to be solved. The mind logically searches for clues as to why something exists.

Indulging yourself in why questions has some positive aspects. It allows you to uncover the physiological, biological, social, emotional, and spiritual reasons of why you engage in binge, compulsive, or emotional eating behaviors. Letting yourself explore, “Why?” also allows you to validate your life story, gives presence to what had not been previously spoken or written, and provides meaning to your journey. It also allows you to spend time being curious about your situation, instead of running and hiding from your eating behaviors. Asking “why?” helps bring some understanding and compassion to your weight loss journey. It begins the process of moving from a state of victim-hood to one of self-responsibility.

“Why?” Limitations

Asking, “Why?” also has its limitations. The problem with, “Why?” questions are that they generally do nothing to solve the problem. Having all the answers does not actually move you toward creating a new outcome. For example, you can ask why you keep overeating and with some willingness to know your reasons, you will uncover some of the correct answers. Given enough time, introspection, self-help books, and guidance, your intellect can eventually piece together the entire puzzle of why something happened.

Then what? You will have a fuller understanding of your situation. Are you any better off? Well, partly. Understanding why you are the way can bring meaning and compassion to the journey ahead of you. You can begin to forgive others and forgive yourself. You realize that your struggle has purpose and meaning at the core of it. However, asking “Why?” alone is simply not enough to allow you to change your life.

Empowering Questions

It also helps to ask empowering questions along the way. These questions are the ones that allow you to create a vision of where you are going and provide movement forward in that direction. They are questions that help you stay centered in the present reality. This means letting yourself explore options of what specific actions can you take right now to move toward the future you want to create for yourself. The combination of understanding “why?” your situation is the way it is, along with generating a crisp, clear picture of the future you want to build is how you create a fulfilling life.

Since your mind will try to answer any question you put to it, the kind of question you ask makes a big difference. Consider the difference between asking yourself, “Why don’t I love myself?” and, “How could I love myself more?” Or, “Why do I lack self-esteem?” and, “How can I increase my self-esteem?” Another example is, “Why is my life so difficult?” and, “What one step can I take to make things a little better?”

Questions That Create Change

As you can see from the examples above, the type of questions you ask yourself will bring you quite different results. If you are ready to create change in your life, use the empowering questions below to help you clarify what you want for yourself, and how you want to walk the journey of having what you want.

1. What do I want?

What will that do for me?

What’s important to me about that?

2. What would I do if I were compassionate and wise?

How would I do it?

When, where, what, with whom do I want it?

3. How will I know when I have what I want?

What feeling would I have inside?

If I didn’t have it, what would be missing?

What about that would be important?

4. What’s preventing me from having it?

How do I know that?

What will happen if I get what you want?

What does having it do for me? Better than what?

How will this impact significant others?

5. If I get what I want, what do I risk losing?

If I get what I want, what do I risk gaining?

6. What do I get out of what I do now?

Start using these questions today and move beyond “why” you are the way you are into the life you want to be living!

Why? The Question and the Funnel

The Question

We often ask ourselves “Why?” Why this? Why that? Why now? Why me?

These wonderings usually involve extreme impact of some kind:

• Why did I lose my job?
• Why did my child get sick?
• Why didn’t I foresee losing my retirement money in the stock market?
• Why was the timing of the auto accident so soon after the death of my father?
• Why does my longtime acquaintance seem disinterested in continuing our friendship?
• Why have there been a string of circumstances that have evaporated the solid foundation of my life?
• Why has my business so completely changed that I have no reliable monthly income?

Although it’s common to wonder about the whys of life, this exploration is the ultimate distraction. In the end, if you had the answer to the question, would it matter? Does knowing change anything? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Why is it a distraction? Because it only prolongs the inevitable: taking the next step toward regaining your soulful stability; your groundedness; the conscious creation of that which positions you securely in your personal power.

I submit that the only why question worthy of your attention is: Why not?

That leads me to…The Funnel

If you go outside, turn your face toward the heavens and lift your arms, your body forms a Y. This is the ultimate representation of surrender, willingness, openness or welcoming, depending on your mindset and heartset.

Do you realize that this is also the shape of a funnel? From this position, the Universe can pour its very essence directly into you: all that is goodness, abundance, opportunity, joy, etc. Amassing in the ether and narrowing into a direct stream, if you are open and allow this influx directly from Source, you can be transformed.

When you look at the vastness of the sky, and allow yourself to be engulfed, you are too transfixed by the magnitude to wonder why this? or why that? You don’t have answers to the questions of why me? or why now?, but you don’t need them. When you really think about it, all of that is irrelevant in the grand scope of all that is. Besides, you may never know anyway, so why even pose the question? Why invest the time and energy in something that simply is? Instead, allow whatever is to be okay as-is.

The next time your mind naturally goes to the question of why?, consciously shift it to why not?:

• Why not embrace what is?
• Why not allow myself to surrender to my current circumstances?
• Why not operate from a position of knowing that all is well, regardless of external situations?
• Why not pursue my biggest dreams?
• Why not give myself the gift of all that is accessible?
• Why not be grateful for the events in my life, especially when I don’t understand why?
• Why not try something new?
• Why not completely change my perspective to view life as a process?
• Why not admit I don’t know everything?
• Why not treat myself with the kindness I gladly give to others?